Since today is National Senior Citizens Day, I thought we could all take a break from our busy schedule of lying about being at Woodstock, and using periods in texts just to aggravate the grandkids. Stay with me while I share some priceless* information from our good friends at the AARP on the subject of… Continue reading Geezerhood for dummies
I don’t know why I write about sex toys so often. It’s definitely not based on personal history: in my long career as a human of the male variety, I have never needed any artificial prodding, encouragement, incentive, or hydraulics. Note: Vodka and “Taxicab Confessions” reruns don’t count. (Besides, I used to be a cabbie… Continue reading Toys in the…well, not the attic
The other day, one of those typical catalogs landed in our snailbox.* It’s labeled Garden, Home, Pest Control, and is sort of a cheaper Skymall, with a raft of goodies to gussy up your house and simplify your life. There’s a tool that will “Easily Cut Through Everything from Delicate Fabrics to Sheet Metal!” Want… Continue reading Bring back the plain brown wrapper!
A few weeks ago I wrote about the perils of living your life on Instagram and becoming a piece of content for others to look at. That idea may have seemed far-fetched, esoteric, or just out of step with the times. After all, even us geezers have online selves, right? Well, at least one person… Continue reading The Instagram life part 2
Didn’t I warn you? A few posts ago, I got to griping about how intrusive and annoying technology has become, and predicted cars would join the parade and start acting like people. Well, I hate to say I told you so (no, I don’t), but according to a recent article, our SUVs and vans and… Continue reading Recognize this!
Author's note: My wife and I relocated in 2016 and we do own an old sword. Most of the rest can be taken with a few grains of salt. *********** Hello all! This won’t be a typical holiday letter because we sure haven’t had a typical year! As you know – if you read my… Continue reading Holiday greetings for 2016
If you’re about my age* and had good English teachers in high school, you might have been assigned to read a classic James Thurber piece called, “The Night the Bed Fell.” I won’t even try to recount this delightfully loony story, but I will shamelessly appropriate the title for my own true (!) tale of… Continue reading The night the bed fell: 21st century update
It’s nearly Labor Day and the dragonflies are back, zipping over the deck against a bright blue sky. Somewhere south in the Gulf of Mexico is a storm that might (1) give us some rain and wind, (2) miss us altogether, or (3) come ashore as a full-on hurricane that would send us running for… Continue reading The armies of life
Dear Sir,* We’ve received your application for Social Security. We welcome you to the ranks of the senior beneficiary retirement subgroup, or as some of our younger staff call it, “Geezer Gulch.” Before we can start payments, we need you to answer just a few questions to be sure you’re eligible. After all, we wouldn’t… Continue reading Anti-social security, or “Ten things to know about getting old”